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Tuesday 16 July 2002

Sometimes I struggle

I have a lot going on in my head at the moment and sometimes my coping strategies don't hold up. I have a wife who is quite ill at the moment and is due to give birth to our baby in 8 days. I am looking after her and our kids. I was made redundant 2 1/2 weeks ago and if I do not have a job of roughly equal pay by mid September we will run out of money at some point in October. My self confidence has hit rock bottom and there are times when I question whether I am even capable of doing the jobs that I am interviewing for. 6 years ago, when I was 24, my first wife died from a brain tumour at the age of 30 and I've never really dealt with it.
My main, subconscious way of coping is to distract myself with stuff that doesn't matter. When I should be concentrating on re-organising the finances, I'm surfing the net for something to occupy my mind. When I should be spending time looking for alternative employment opportunities, I'm watching crap on TV that I normally wouldn't give the time of day. When I should be talking to my wife, I'm here updating my blog.
Sometimes I suck.

July 16, 2002 11:48 PM | Me

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