Me: I have some pain in my lower abdomen. It's been getting worse slowly during the day.
Dr Nice: How's your bowels?
Me: Fine. Fine. Been farting like a trooper but there's nothing new there. I think it might be coming from a little lower down.
Dr Nice: Ah. Hop up on the couch and we'll take a look.
Me: Er. OK.
Dr Nice: Does it hurt here?
Me: No.
Dr Nice: Here? Here? Just give a cough. And again. How about here?
Me: No.
Dr Nice: OK. Can you just lower your trousers a little? Nice jewellery. And He...
Me: SWEET JESUS! OW! BLOODY HELL, YES THAT HURTS!
Dr Bloody Sadistic Evil Bastard: And here?
Me: Christ yes. That hurts. F*cking Christ it hurts. Can you please stop poking it now. Yes, right now. Look. One more and I'll f*cking strangle you with that stethoscope.
Dr Jekyll: OK. Drop down off the couch. I think you've got an infected testicle. Yes, that's right, an infected testicle. I'll prescribe..... can you stop crying now? Thank you. I'll prescribe you some antibiotics. That should clear it up, but just in case it's not an infection I'm going to refer you for a scan.
Me: A what now? You're what? You think someone needs to scan my nads?
Dr Nice: Yes. Just in case. Oh. And the last time you were here your blood test was all f*cked up so I'm going to ask them to scan your liver too. Nothing to worry about.
Me: .....
Obviously I'm paraphrasing and throwing in some artistic licence (I was nowhere near coherent enough to say anything as prosaic as that) but that's pretty much how it went this evening.
Holy crap. I hope you're ok. It all sounds routine, though.
That is F*ed up
Of all the places to go for a scan, still i suppose its nuthin they avent seen before!
Sorry to hear about your nad-itis!
At least the scan won't hurt!
Ouch! (not that I can completely sympathize) Hope the pain stops soon!!!!
