Customer Services
Cupid Life Partners UK Ltd
Cloud 9
Up There Somewhere
23 November 2004
Dear Sirs
My purchase of Wife, Model "Sharon"
Many years ago I purchased from you an early model Girlfriend. Unfortunately the available model was not suitable for my needs at that time and was returned to you for modification. In early 2000 I took delivery of the improved version.
I was extremely happy with the "new and improved" Sharon and quickly took advantage of the opportunity to upgrade her to the "Fiancée" specification.
Again, I was very pleased with my purchase and, despite the significant expense involved, upgraded to the "Wife" specification just over 3 years ago and signed the "Lifetime Exclusivity Deal" available. In the main I have been very happy with the performance of the goods supplied.
It has recently come to my attention, however, that there were significant failings in the manufacture of the basic hardware onto which the Girlfriend, Fiancée and Wife upgrades were installed.
To by blunt, my Sharon is falling apart.
Minor hardware failures have necessitated no fewer than 7 visits to the factory repair shop, including 2 invasive repair procedures. We have recently been informed by the hardware technicians that Sharon will require at least one more invasive repair and, quite possibly, permanent regular maintenance for a manufacturing fault in her torso-head joint.
I have grown quite attached to my Sharon model Wife, although I am aware that her hardware is "old technology", and have no desire to exchange her for a new model. However, given that these appear to be inherent design or manufacturing problems, I would appreciate some contribution from your firm to the ongoing costs of repair and maintenance. I would also help greatly if you could have a word with your maintenance team and reduce the waiting time for the keyhole inspection of her "ovaries".
I look forward to your response.
Yours faithfully,
Paul Taylor
Owner, Wife model Sharon
p.s. You couldn't throw in a free boob renovation and upgrade whilst you're at it could you?
Dear Sir
We are very sorry to here that you are not satisfied with our "Sharon" model. I have checked our records and found that our 1916/17 model had similar faults. The earlier model went on working for 71 years even though defects were detected. We suggest you explore the small print more carefully when taking on such models. Unfortunatly a Sharon is for life and not just for christmas.
After speaking to our technical department it seems that this fault is very common when this model is used and abused on a regular basis!!! If you had taken out our extended warranty all faults would have been rectified.
We do hope we have been of some help to you.
sincerley
The Mother Model
I admire your brand loyalty! I hope your Wife model Sharon is back in tip-top working condition again soon.
Mr Taylor,
We note your commments re-Wife Model Sharon, and are frankly annoyed at your blatant disregard to the instructions supplied. These were contained in the multi - lingual leaflet in the box, though on reflection they were not printed in Scottish.
With this in mind, you could always subscribe to the Monthly Maintenance Scheme, which involves a simple housekeeping fee paid directly into the Model Sharon Account @ Highstreetbank.com.(About £500 a month should do.)
This will ensure that the Model Sharon will self maintain via her own inbuilt maintenance programme available from outlets like Dorothy Perkins for example.
If all else fails then I've heard on the Q that our company may be bringing out a Model Wife Kelly Brook soon.....could be worth a look!!
Yours faithfully,
Maintenance.
