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Thursday 3 March 2005

I don't want you to read this

Well, OK, you can. I'm not stopping you. I don't even really mean that statement. Wouldn't be much point to this post if I did.

Occassionally I regret losing the anonimity with which I started this blog. When I first started, after I'd briefly flirted with the idea of blogging about mobile discos and related topics (so briefly it didn't make it past the first post), I decided I was going to blog anonymously.

Anonimity gave my writing the impartiallity of a counsellor, the confidetiallity of the confessional, the liberty of the faceless stranger. It allowed me to discuss issues, emotions and people in my life with candour and honesty free from any possible recriminations or repercussions.

The veil has been lifted slowly but surely over the last 3 years starting very early on when I found it difficult to dedicate any time to blogging without explaining to Sharon what I was doing. Gradually most of my friends and family have become aware of this site as I no longer hide it but don't advertise it either. My employer is also vaguely aware of a site that I run. The zenith was reached recently when my daughter came home from school and told me that she'd shown the site to her IT teacher.

All of these can curtail what I am able to talk about here and how I express myself. FFS! How can I blog about Boobs when either Chloe or her teacher might be reading? (For that matter, how can I say "FFS!"?) They'll have social services onto me. I'll be labled a bad father!Don't get me wrong, I have no great desire to tell you all that I hate my job (I don't), that my mother-in-law is a dragon (she is, but she's particularly proud of the fact ;-) ) or that I'm secretly planning to overthrow the American Government. It's just sometimes I wish I had the freedom that comes with talking to a stranger the freedom to vent, the freedom to say things that you might not really mean but which provides some cathartic release, the freedom I had when I started out.

I considered making some entries private, locking them away and requiring a password to read them. Some people make that quite well work for them. But I don't know who I'd give the password to. I'd have to refuse to give it to anyone who I might wish to talk about and if I did that it'd be like telling them "I hate every fibre of your being you cantancerous old toad" when all I really want is to be able to talk about boobs without being locked up.

I toyed with the idea of setting up an additional blog. A small anonymous one on blogger or something. Unfortunately, this one takes up quite enough of my time as it is. I'm not sure I could run 2.

So I think I'm stuck with things the way they are. This site is just another part of my public persona. Those of you who know me personally, those for whom this blog is additional view of me rather than the main one, will have to accept that occassionally its contents may be a little raw, unedited, unsanitised. I'm very rarely 2 faced so if I didn't like you then chances are you already know. I'm still the person you know but I'm this person too.

March 3, 2005 2:16 PM | Site

4 Comments

Yes, I often have the same concerns, and have come to the same conclusions. There are a couple of people I'd rather didn't read my blog, and things I wish I didn't need to censor, but I can't see a realistic solution.

A large part of the problem is that the 'me' who writes the blog isn't entirely the 'me' someone might know face-to-face, and I'm always worried that the two might be confused, harming relationships.

I wish there was some sort of 'anti-password' technology whereby those who do have the password can't get in, whereas total strangers, without passwords, have free access!

I've wrestled with the same issue. Alot of what I write is censored and/or not even what I want to write. I've toyed with going anonymous, even put restricted access posts up, but I usually don't have anything bad to say about anyone besides what IS restricted. I can't see myself going anonymous any time soon, though and I know that the person you read on my site is just a small portion of what's going on (or not going on) in my brain. So, like you said, it's just another extension of you.

I know what you mean, I have my public blog but I also have another journal, its not totally anon but it doesent have a wide readership.

I'm in a slightly better position at the moment. My wife knows I blog but isn't bothered about reading them. A couple of my close friends know but I don't mind. They know my feelings on certain things and fully expect to see them down in writing. No-one else who knows me is aware of my blogs apart from those who know me through my blogs.
The only thing that would probably make me change or censor my posts is if someone from work found out and started visiting. Apart from being my work collegues they have no part in my life and them reading my inner thoughts then staring at me across the office could get weird.

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