Blogging Blokes Rules
There are no rules of membership as such, other than you must be a bloke, you must
have a blog and you must display the Blogging Blokes Code.
However, we expect all
member to give due credence to the Men's Commandments:
- It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:
- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Kelly Brook starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss' car.
- When she is using her teeth.
- Any Man who brings a camera to a stag party may be legally killed and
eaten by his friends.
- Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
jail within 12 hours.
- If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever,
unless you actually marry her.
- Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden.
Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
- No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In
fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional.
- On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
- When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask who's
winning, but you may never ask who's playing.
- It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning
on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
- Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick
another Man in the nuts.
- Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
- If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
- Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the
other sports watchers.
- A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.
- Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both - that's just mean.
- If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his
choice of beer.
- Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except
if she's withholding sex pending your response.
- Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both
urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost
imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
- Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you
are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
- The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal
drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason
not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
- There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Mens Gymnastics. Ever.
- When you are queried by a friend's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink,
dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful
information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very
- You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination;
beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call 'BULLSHIT'.
(Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises
to 400 percent)
- The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late
is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of
hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
- Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your friend is trying
to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed
and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even
at your stag party.
- Before dating a friend's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he
in return is required to grant it.
- The universal compensation for friends who help you move is beer.
- A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
- When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with
your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your friend
and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
- If a friend is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump
into the fight.
(Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think,
"What this guy needs is a good kickin'", then you may sit back and enjoy.)
- If a friend is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join
him... too gay.
- Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
- The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with
“If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.
- When a friend is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that
gives you no chance of hooking up either.
- Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one
intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver
a "FUCK OFF!" you are absolved of your of responsibility.